Updated on September 26, 2026
112 michongoano

Top Mchongoano Compilation

A mchongoano is a Kenyan jab: an exaggerated line about someone's looks, brains or pockets, thrown to get a laugh and dare a better one back. The word comes from kuchongoana, to poke at each other. Here are the ones Kenyans keep sending in, with what they mean in English.

93 lines sent in by readers, 8 this week.

Mchongoano of the day 26 Sep

Nyanyako ni mzee hadi akiamka anaacha ngozi kwa kitanda

Top 10

Decided by your votes.

Dame wako ana lips kubwa mpake yeye hutumia roll-on ka lip-balm

Your girlfriend has big lips that he uses roll-on as lip bam.

Dingo 2 days ago

Uko na macho kubwa hadi unaitwa eyewitness.

Your eyes are so big you get called eyewitness.

Kwenu nyinyi mafala hadi mna patia kuku zenu maji moto ati ndio zitoe mayai boiro

Your family is so stupid; you give your chicken hot water so they can lay boiled eggs.

dingo 2 days ago

Which one wins?

Tap the better one. Your picks decide the Top 10.

ati wewe mweusi mpaka unaacha fingerprints zako kwa makaa

You are dark that you leave finderprint on charcoal

Dingo 2 days ago

Ati wewe ni mchafu mpaka ukiingia kwa lake kuswim, fish zinatoka kutema mate.

You are so dirty that when you get into a lake to swim, the fish climb out to spit.

Ati mtoi wenu alizaliwa akiwa mblack mpaka doki akasema, 'Kameungua.'

Your kid was born so dark the doctor said, 'It's burnt.'

Mbuyu wako mnono mpaka akikalia ashu inakuwa kobole mbili!

Your father is so fat that when he sits on a ten-bob coin it becomes two five-bob coins.

Uko na kichwa kubwa hadi ukitoka nje kunakua giza

You have a big head then it gets dark when you get out.

2 days ago

muko wengi hadi mukipigwa family photo wengine wanahang kwa frame

You are too many in your family photo that some hang in the frame

mkenya 2 days ago

Uko na mapengo mbili kwa mdomo za kuvuta roster

All the rest

Shuffled on every visit so every line gets its turn.

Uko na macho kubwa mkiwa kwa nyumba ukiiroll babako anasema, "we nani anacheza na stima?"

Kwenyu nyi ni wengi mpaka ule mse amedoz vizuri amehang kwa mafudhi za budako

Kwenyu ni wajinga mlifail blood test

Wewe ni mjinga hadi sunday school ulienda boarding

Manzi yako mkonda hadi huchungulia kwa keyhole na macho zote mbili

Umeunga hadi akili

Baba yako ni mfupi mpaka anafunga viatu kama amesimama

1 month ago

Kwenu mumesota, adi mnafunga gate na kipini.

Matako juu juu kama brakes za Honda.

1 month ago

Wee mchafu mpaka mbu ikikuuma, inatema mate kwanza.

You are so dirty that when a mosquito bites you, it spits first.

Kisogo ndefu ukiitwa kando ukiturn kichwa kule umeitwa unagongana na kisogo yako kwanza kabla iturn.

Ati wewe ni mzee hadi ukizaliwa 'Old Testament' ilikuwa inaitwa 'Testament'.

You are so old that when you were born, the Old Testament was just called the Testament.

Nyanyako ni kipofu na ukimpigia stori anasema, "ooh, I see"

4 weeks ago

Kwenu mko wengi mpaka mlango ukifunguliwa wengine wanamwagika nje

1 month ago

Uko na mdomo kubwa adi ulikua wanyonya ngumi badala ya kidole

1 month ago

Kwenyu mko wengi hadi mnalilia kulala kwa corner na nyumba yenu ni ya round

Mdomo yako inanuka sana ulimeza sumu ukufe instead sumu ilikufa

Wewe ni mrefu ukinywa maziwa inafika tumboni ikiwa mala

Wewe ni mweusi Hadi ukismile watoi wako wananza kusema ona aquafresh mouth

Boss! Umesota mpaka huwezi ku-afford ku-pay attention.

You are so broke you can't afford to pay attention.

Ndio maana haujui babako

Kwenyu ni wachoyo hadi siku mnapika chapati mnaandika Kwa mlango.. tumehama untill further notice

Ati wewe mweusi tu sana mpaka hauna bright ideas.

You are so dark you don't even have bright ideas.

Wee ni mfupi Hadi ukipigwa passport unatokea full

We ni mnono mpaka ukipigwa picha inajiandika PTO (please turn over)

We ni mkonda hadi ukidance helicopter, unatake off.

You are so skinny that when you dance the helicopter, you take off.

Wololo. Let's fly to Diani!

Nyotuoro 2 days ago

Kwenu mumusota hadi meza imetobolewa kama plates

Wewe ni mchafu hadi ukipita watu wanasema lorry ya mavi iko area

Gari yenu ni mzee hadi ikiruka bump mnashukanga kupanga viti

Wewe ni mrefu hadi Mungu anaweza kupiga ngotoo

5 days ago

wewe ni mweusi shetani akikuona anapiga chafia

1 week ago

Kwenu ni wegni adi mkianza kula mnaitwa na register

Budako huepa job anaenda home kuswing na gate

Ati nyinyi ni wadosi mpaka mnapeleka kuku shule.

You are so rich you take your chickens to school.

Wewe ni mchafu hadi ukiingia bathroom kuoga sabuni zote zinalalamika

Umekonda hadi ukisimamisha gari stage konda anasema gari haibebi miwa

We ni mkonde akisimama karibu na ukuta watu wanadhani ni crack iko kwa ukuta

Wewe ni mrefu hadi unapewa food na feya

Wewe ni mugly hata hauneed mask kuact movie ya horror.

You are so ugly you don't need a mask to act in a horror movie.

Wewe ni Mkonde hadi ukivaa Vest inakaa long sleeved.

1 month ago

Kisogo yako refu mpaka ukipinduka watu wana duck wasifyekwe

Wee ni mshamba mpaka una re-wind CD na biro

We ni mkonde hadi ukishuta unaskia uchungu

3 weeks ago

Uko na kichwa kubwa kama ya mbukinya

We ni fala hadi ulidial *144# kucheck balance kwa ATM.

You are so foolish you dialled *144# to check your balance at an ATM.

Wee ni mfupi ukikalia pavement unahang miguu

Uko na ngozi tight ukisneeze inararuka

2 weeks ago

budako hu hepa job kuenda kudandia gate ya stadi.

Umeparara hadi unatafutwa na kampuni ya Solea

Uko na matako juu juu Kama brake ya tinga

1 month ago

N'gombe yenyu ni mzeeee hadi ime baakisha siku mbili ikue Nyati

Babako ndio ndume ya Kijiji kazi huwa kufinga ng'ombe

2 weeks ago

Wee ni mrefu mpaka giraffe zinacomplain.

You are so tall even the giraffes complain.

Wewe ni mjinga hadi ulirepeat sunday school

Muko wengi sana Kwa hao chai upikwa, inamwagua Kwa floor alafu kilamutu anachota na sponge kukunywa

1 month ago

Wee ni fala hadi siku yako ya kwanza kuuziwa ballgum ya green uliambia mwenye duka rudisha hii bado haijaivaa

Kwenu ni kuchafu hadi mkiwasha redio, mtangazaji anakohoa kwanza ndio aendelee na tangazo

Wewe ni mjinga hadi uligongwa na gari imeparkiwa

Mko wengi Hadi mkiekewa food mnasmaa kama kupiga kura.

Mko wengi baba yenu akitoka job anawasalimia - "my fellow Kenyans"

Nyi ni wadosi mpaka mende zenyu zinatembeanga na slippers

3 days ago

Mbwa yenyu nimzee adi ikitaka kubweka hua inajishikilia kwa ukuta

Kwenu ni wachafu hadi mosquito zikiwauma znaenda ku brush meno.

3 weeks ago

TV yenyu ni ndogo, safo ikipita inawacha vumbi kwa nyumba

Mama yako ni mnono akivaa jacket ya yellow anakaa taxi

Wewe ni fala hadi ulirepeat kunyonya

Wewe ni fala, uligongwa na parked car.

You are so foolish you got hit by a parked car.

Mamako ameokoka sana mpaka mnapika ugali na msalaba

Kwenu mko wengi mpaka majina ziliisha so wengine wanaitwa akina nanii

Kisogo yako ni refu kama kona ya njugu

Umekonda hadi unaeza toshea kwa straw

Budako ni mfupi hadi akitaka kushuka kwa bed ana tumia parachute

1 month ago

Manzi yako ni mhairy hadi ako na afro kwa nipples.

Your girlfriend is so hairy she has an afro on her nipples.

Wewe ni mrefu mpaka unaona kesho

1 month ago

Kwenu nyi wajinga adi driving school munawekwa boarding

Nyi ni wajinga, adi Christmas mnapakanga shamba yenu rangi

We ni mzee hadi uko na kipara kwa matako

Fathako ni mrefu mpaka akianza kuvaa trouser, inapofika waist ishakwisha fashion.

Your father is so tall that by the time his trousers reach his waist, they are out of fashion.

Ukona kichwa kubwa, nusu ya kitanda ni pillow

3 weeks ago

Wewe ni mfupi, ukivaa Tshirt ya safaricom unakaa simcard.

1 month ago

Unakaa poa kwa giza

Kwenyu mko wengi mpaka mnapewa chai na sprinkler

Una mkono rough hadi ukishika mouse, computer inadai 'found new hardware'.

Your hand is so rough that when you touch a mouse, the computer says 'found new hardware'.

Kwenyu kuchafu adi mende inaingia na gumboots

Wee ni mwizi mpaka padlock ikikuona inajifungua.

You are such a thief that a padlock unlocks itself when it sees you.

We ni mweusi mpaka badala ya wasee kukuita wao huimba ile advert ya kiwi: "Hebu jitokeze, jionyeshe, simama mbele ya watu."

Kwenyu kuna udingo adi nyi ufungia gate kwa hao

2 weeks ago

Uko na mapua kubwa hadi ukiwa na homa unatumia leso ka handkerchief

We ni dentist mpro hadi unang'oa Bluetooth ya phone yako.

You are such a pro dentist that you pull the Bluetooth out of your phone.

Babako huwa anarudi late ndio asioshe miguu

Uko na kichwa kubwa hadi unabonga na capital letters

1 month ago

Nyanyako ni mzee hadi akiamka anaacha ngozi kwa kitanda

Wewe ni muoga adi ukinyamba unatoka mbio

We ni mweusi hadi sheto hukuita morio

Nyumba yenu ni ndogo, ukiingia umetoka.

We ni mfupi kama mavi ya asubui

1 week ago

Bafu yenu ni small mpaka msee hawezi ingia na towel, inabaki hapo nje!

1 month ago

Ume parara kama magoti ya ngamia

1 week ago

Ng'ombe yenyu ni mzee hadi inatoa maziwa mala

Matako ndogo ndogo ukiinama unakaa umekunja ngumi

Nyinyi ni wadosi hadi kuku zenu hukula chicken fry

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Top Mchongoano Compilation

Top 10

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All the rest

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